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I am the caregiver to my adult daughter with Down Syndrome. What brought me to this group though is for the last year and a half my dad has shown significant signs of some type of dementia. He has not been diagnosed yet. My sister and I live 4 hours away from him. My brother lives in the same area as my dad but also has young children and is very busy. It’s been so hard trying to figure out what to do to help him when he is so far away. He lives in a apartment by himself. We dont know what to do with him to keep him safe. He isn’t making good choices as far as money, his diet, and he keeps seeing things. He thinks somone comes through the wall and moves his fridge, trying to steal it. He has called the cops before. He make…
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I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it sounds incredibly overwhelming, especially with everything you’re already balancing as a caregiver. You’re doing the best you can in a really hard situation.
What you’re describing with your dad (seeing things, paranoia about someone coming through the walls, poor decision-making) are serious symptoms that really need medical attention as soon as possible, even without a formal diagnosis yet. If your brother is nearby, would he be able to help get your dad to a primary care doctor or neurologist for an evaluation? Even starting with his regular doctor can open the door to support and resources.
You and your siblings might also want to look into contacting your local Area Agency on Aging (for your dad’s county). They can help guide you through options like in-home support, safety checks, and programs that aren’t always income-restricted the same way IHSS is.
Given the safety concerns (especially hallucinations and calling the police), it may also be worth talking as a family about stepping in more formally, things like power of attorney or medical decision-making, before things escalate further.
Since distance is such a challenge, sometimes families will coordinate a rotation of visits, or look into hiring a part-time caregiver privately just to check in regularly and help with meals, meds, and safety.
Most importantly, please don’t feel like you have to figure this out alone. Situations like this often take a team; medical, social services, and family working together and it’s okay to ask for help.
You’re clearly a very caring daughter, and your dad is lucky to have you advocating for him.